You guys, I still have a flip phone.
Oh yes, you read that correctly, and no, I’m not punking you. I’ve had my flip phone for the past five years, and it’s served me so well. In still using a flip phone, I’m not trying to make a statement or prove a point by purposely resisting technology that’s increasingly consuming all of our faces (iPhones, anyone?). I’m simply of the philosophy, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I also still have my second generation lime green iPod Nano I’ve had since seventh grade, and I’ve had the same lap top computer for the past four years, but that’s another conversation for another time.
Although I love my ole flipper, there are some struggles I face being one of the select few left on this sacred earth with a good old fashioned flip phone (a.k.a me and adults ages sixty and above, and the occasional hipster who is trying really hard).
Here are some struggles and gains of having a flip phone in a world that assumes everyone’s phone is smarter than them.
1. I can’t see emojis.
When I receive a message with an emoji in it, I can see the first few words of the message in my inbox, but as soon as I open the text, the message shows up either as blank or as a bunch of thin rectangles. Either way, I can’t see anything and have to awkwardly explain to the sender, “Hey, I don’t have a smart phone and can’t see emojis so I can’t see anything you just sent. Can you send it again?” Classic.
2. Group texts ruin me.
Whenever I’m tacked onto a group text, I get a little sad inside. I’m glad to be included amongst friends messaging, but sad because of what it does to my phone. When I receive a group text, each message comes in separately, but shows up as a picture message. Lucky for me (sarcasm), my phone freezes for a few seconds every time I get a picture. Once the message finally makes it to my phone so I can read it, I can only respond to the one person who sent the message, taking my “group” participation out of the group. And yes, you guessed it, every message the other people in the group send comes into my phone as a single picture message, freezing it every time.
3. Receiving picture messages is rough.
As I mentioned above, every time I receive a picture message, my phone freezes slightly until the message is processed. Once the message does come through, however, the picture is so small and hard to see that I have to save it to my phone, go into my “pictures” folder, open up the image, and zoom into it until I can see the details. And don’t even ask me to send you a picture because my camera has very poor quality.
4. I look up directions to a place before I leave.
All my phone is capable of is a good old phone call and text message, plus a few other classic features such as a calculator or stopwatch. Since I haven’t been #blessed with GPS in my pocket like you smart phone users, I have to look up addresses and how to get places before I leave. Sometimes I even have to look up multiple addresses in case the first place I’m trying to go is closed.
5. I only have to charge my phone once a week or less.
Since I only use my phone to call and text, my battery lasts such a long time. I can seriously go a whole week without ever having to charge it. #Blessed
6. T9 Word, y’all.
I still use T9 word and get the satisfaction of hearing my keys click every time I type.
7. I get the satisfaction of physically hanging up my phone after a conversation.
My phone literally flips open and closed. Please tell me flipping your phone shut after a convo wouldn’t be fulfilling.
8. It’s a conversation starter.
My archaic phone has sparked many a conversations with strangers before. Plus, every time I see another person with a flip phone, I feel we share a special connection (Get it? Connection? Cell phones?).
9. I drop it all the time and it still loves me.
I’ve dropped that sucker down stairs and on concrete before, plus the usual drop every now and again, and it’s still going strong. Seriously, I could probably throw my phone against a wall and it would come out unharmed.
10. I’m good at keeping myself entertained in social situations.
Since I don’t have the Internet in a box and with me all the time, I don’t even have the option of burying my face in Instagram or Twitter when I’m feeling awkward in a social setting or waiting for someone to meet up with me in a public place, and I’ve honestly become more observant because of it. Because of this, I am SO good at keeping myself entertained when there’s nothing going on. People watching, eavesdropping, doodling, wandering…you name it, I can entertain myself with it.
11. It’s small enough to fit in my bra.
Most importantly, of course, my phone is small enough to fit in all of my pockets, and even my bra if I’m pocketless. Holla.
Moral of the story here, folks: Flip phones and their users still exist, I love my flip phone, please stop sending me messages with emojis, and no more group texts. Thanks.
